IN THE INTEREST OF SCIENCE I’ve been chasing down all appearances of the rare and notoriously wild “Phanatic” species in this city. Though one has yet to be credibly spotted outside Philadelphia, they’re apparently breeding/multiplying within these environs. I’ve photographed several, and will soon enough post those photos on this blog as proof. Phanatics are known to have a love of hotdogs, baseball, and the City of Brotherly Love. They are large, furry, somewhat goofy looking and usually green in color. Please report all sightings and/or encounters with this animal to this blog, so I can follow up.
CAUTION: Phanatics are known to be boisterous but gentle creatures, but can become hostile in the presence of New York Yankees logos. If you see a Phanatic—especially if you confront one face-to-face—to ensure your safety repeat over and over, “Go Phils! Go Phils! Go Phils!”